Today I lit a candle celebrating my mom’s life…
‘You are a dream, a wished for dream…’
My mom used to whisper sweet things like that in our ear when we were young…
Mom, you were the most loving woman I’ve ever known…
You taught me by example about REAL femininity, beauty and sensuality…how to share myself with the strength of an open heart and vulnerability…how to be fiercely protective of what I love…how to honour myself…you always told me I was beautiful inside and out even when I felt like an Ugly Duckling because I had buck teeth and was so skinny…and you loved me unconditionally no matter what!
…even when I became vegetarian at 13 and wouldn’t eat what you made to ‘put meat on my bones’, even you found out I hitchiked, even when I ran away from home when you started drinking, even when I got mono at 15 from kissing a boy, even when I lost your grandmother’s gold watch that you let me wear for picture day, even when I cried in your arms at 16 when my best friend moved away a couple months before you suddenly left us…
I WILL NEVER BE THE MOTHER YOU WERE but I LOVE being a mother, and a woman who knows how to really love, because of YOU.
THANK YOU beloved mom, for everthing you did for me…for things I couldn’t even understand until I became a mom myself…I only wish I could have had the chance to tell you more how much your love has carried me through life…and I know you had a hand in all the angels that came into my life afterwards, and my meeting Luke because a better man I couldn’t have found without Divine intervention…
You were wise in ways I will never be…but I WISH you had taken better care of yourself…I wish you hadn’t sacrificed everything for your children…I wish someone had have told you that YOU ARE PRECIOUS TOO and that your Dreams mattered also…perhaps because of you I found my calling in life of exquisite self care so I may live a long and rich healthy beautiful life fulfilling all my dreams and assist other women around the world to do the same so they can live their dreams too…I wish I had you longer to have helped me navigate those teen years and beyond, lord knows I made many mis-takes, and being on the streets and having a breakdown at 19 was a nightmare…I wish more than anything my beautiful family could have known you and that your loving eyes would be on my boys…perhaps they are…
Strangely, the pain of losing you is still visceral and no ‘Time doesn’t heal all’…but the beauty of the woman you were and the life you lived glows warmer and brighter in my heart to this day still guiding and illuminating my life …you are still in my heart always ♥ I love you forever
Tagged: exquisite self care, natural health and beauty, raw foods, raw renewal, rejuvenation, sensual beauty
Dear Shakaya,
Thank you for sharing this part of your journey. Your beauty is both inside and out. I couldn’t help but think of my Mum reading your words. We are so blessed to have such supportive role models in our lives.
Thank you so much for giving me this moment to stop, breath and give thanks.
Blessings to you always,
Jillian Lauren
Beautiful re-membering, Shakaya. Thanks for allowing vulnerability and sharing your journey.
Oh Shakaya, what a beautiful tribute to the loving and kind selfless Mother you had because of her and all her love we now have you. I sure do understand how you long for your Mother and for her loving ways to have embraced your beautiful boys and husband, I absolutely believe she has God sending you His very best angels to guide you along the way and as we walk threw our darkest hours it makes us truly appreciate the light that we eventually seem to find. Biggest hugs and so much gratitude to you for being such a bright light in my life. My love to you today and always.
That was a beautiful message Shakaya. Very heartfelt. My mother made her transition six years ago. I miss having her here in the physical also. Our mothers are now our angels on the other side. She is still around and with you as mine is. Love never dies and neither do we, only the body which is our costume to wear for this lifetime.
Your tribute in honor of your mother reflects love, pain, forgiveness and inner reflection, transparency. It lifted some pain for me, shedding light into my life.
Especially the following;
“I wish you hadn’t sacrificed everything for your children”…
(Now in my mature years, the evidence of all this is before me.) Thank you. I feel your words are saying, it would have been okay for this woman as a mother to nurture herself. By doing so would have helped her to not totally lose herself in the role of motherhood.
“I wish someone had have told you that YOU ARE PRECIOUS TOO and that your Dreams mattered.”
(Yes, I am, and they really do matter.)
Much luv Shakaya, much luv always to you and your family on this day.
So lovely and heartfelt. Thank you for being open to us. Dana Moore
Thank you for sharing your story. I just lost my 91-yr young mother April 28th, after being primary caregiver and overseeing her care for 15 years. Your story helps ease my pain even thought it brings a few tears. My mom was an alcoholic all of my life until she went into treatment at the age of 71. After that, we were able to begin building a relationship of love and more mutual respect. I’m so blessed to have had these last years with her and to be left with love in my heart rather than anger and resentment.. Thank you again for allowing us into your personal heart space.