This Valentine’s Day didn’t quite happen for me…
Instead of sexy langerie and chocolate covered rose petals,
I experienced struggle, frustration, dissapointment.
It started the night before while posting a love note about my 15 year marriage.
Once posted, tons of people ‘liked’ it, leaving hearts, saying it brought tears…
I didn’t expect that- it was just a raw and real, un-poetic stream of consciousness…
…about our relationship…and WOW, there is just SO much contrast…
It definitely hasn’t been smooth sailing or an easy path between us.
And I’ve had moments of serious doubt and dissatisfaction…I’m certain he has too.
Yet, we are still together, and the love still GROWS. Amazing…
I was curious about what was so resonant for people about what I wrote…
Surprised as it wasn’t sexy or seductive or poetic or passionate… just facts.
My husband rarely goes on facebook, so I sent it to his email and logged off.
The next morning I was awakened with GORGEOUS white roses & a teary-eyed man.
He LOVED my valentine note; said it got him choked up…wow, I hadn’t expected that!
We made plans for later; on his way out he wished me well on my Love Letter Noon call.
Over 1,100 people registered for the call and I was excited!
But suddenly things seemed to go sideways...
The call time was mistakenly scheduled for the wrong time and the conference expired.
So a new one had to be set up and another email with the change of call-in details sent.
Then, my mac mail and customerservice was down- completely inaccessible. Yikes!
Instead of having a beautiful, relaxed morning preparing for my big call as planned,
I was on the phone with tech support and trying to reach my VA and webmaster etc
to see if my business mail accounts were completely gone or just temporarily hiding…
It was a mess that nobody seemed able to fix…
Then it was time for our Love Letter call so I had to re-focus on what I wanted to share.
Techno-drama STEP ASIDE.
Honestly, I’m so relieved to say I don’t think it could have flowed better :)))
The love in the message plus the presence I could feel from Karen and everyone
was the wind in my sails; there was so much love and beauty shared; we all felt it!
But then… the web page for the NEW PROGRAM I had announced on the call was down,
even though it was fine just before the call started…??
So after the gorgeous call, MORE time on calls and emails with tech support,
hundreds of dollar$ later, and a missed Valentine’s dinner,
way past midnight, things were sorted- tech gremlins were gone, finally!
What a strange day, I thought…
(I’ve since made a startling discovery about myself and self sabotage–
I’ll share in the next post- you HAVE to hear this!)
I headed upstairs to mr man… who fell ASLEEP waiting for me 🙁
This is SO not how I wanted to experience my Valentine’s Day…
I hope yours was so much better, Petals!
with love and raw chocolate,
ps
the valentine note:
he’s calm, I’m fiery
he’s noble, I’m crazy about that
he gave me a house, I gave him a home
he’s practical, I’m sensual
he supports me, I nurture him
he’s patient, I’m passionate
he doesn’t say yes quickly, I don’t take no for an answer
he says it could be worse, I say it could be better
he holds me when I’m sad, I let him hold me when he’s sad
he reads a book over and over, I read a book a week
he needs space, I need honour
he’s appropriate, I’m a truth-teller
he’s a visionary, I’m his muse
he’s down to earth, I’m kisses from the stars
he’s elegant simplicity, I’m a beautiful storm
he needs me to believe in him, I needed a man I could believe in
he’s a meditation, I’m a prayer
he gives me everything he has, I let him
he’s snow-capped mountains, I’m flower-water
he likes rock, I like lullabyes
he protects me, I heal him
he examines, I leap
he let me change his diet, I let him think he had a choice
he rocks the monk vibe, I’m a flirt
he gives me flowers, I give him me
he knows where I am every moment, I don’t keep track of him
he trusts no one, I trust everyone
he’s fair, I’m bossy
he’s measures, I improvise
he can’t dress, I can’t read maps
he makes me laugh when he’s mad, he makes me laugh when I’m mad
his music makes me dance, I love how he watches me dance
he kisses my hand when driving, I keep him company when he shaves
he doesn’t dance, I can’t not dance
he rides a harley, I ride horses
he melts me, I excite him
he’s country, I’m city
he drinks coffee, I’ve never tried it
he’s a dreamer, I’m a fighter
he’s the sun, I’m the moon
he saves and invests, I budget and give
he gets quiet, I get loud
he’s a noble mountain, I’m the mysterious sea
he likes antiques, I’m zen
he’s classic, I’m exotic
he never remembers, I never forget
we’re both on a mission!
we’re both workaholics
we both love harmony!
we both face our fears!
we still hold hands
I waited to kiss him until he gave me a ring
we got prenant the first time (!)
he smoked, I’m allergic to smoke
he said he’d quit for me
it took him 12 years (ugh!)
it’s been interesting, amazing, hard, worth it
far from perfect
but we’re not keeping score
electric touches
kind eyes
he’s solid
he feels lucky to come home to me
my heart still beats fast when I hear his car in the driveway
he gave me the most beautiful boys in the world
and made me a mom and gave me a family
which was my big Dream
we didn’t let them last with us
but we know we aren’t totally compatible…
we’re just in love
my sweet Valentine for the 15th time
(even though he’s snoring right now)
he doesn’t mind when I wake him, he knows better than to wake me
on love
it’s a trickster sometimes
and breathtaking too
Shakaya
Tagged: exquisite self care, natural health and beauty, raw foods, raw renewal, rejuvenation, sensual beauty
Hot Damn Shakaya – that was MAGIC. I loved every word. I related to so much of it too. THANK YOU for sharing such a personal look into the special and deep love you share with your man creature. It sounds perfectly imperfect. What more could you ask for? Lisa
Beautiful, Shakaya! Love it!! Just called my hubby and read it aloud to him!! He really enjoyed it, too!! xo
Wow! Deep and touching. Continue to enjoy the blessings of love that’s real.
Really enjoyed such a frank and honest picture of day to day relationship struggles and the frustration that can happen when that sensual relaxed connection is derailed by stress! Those tech hiccups don’t surprise me. I’ve experienced at least a month worth of beautiful moments/ plans/ dreams gone sideways! Or just not reaching that special mountain top. Your words inspire me to keep trying, positive, faith in the BIG LOVE that is moving through all of us. THANK YOU! XOXOX
*Tears of Joy* Thank You * Take Away: “Don’t Give Up On Love” and feel the essence of love before judging the outer appearance * Thank You, Much Love *
That was very sweet… the poem was simply awesome.. thank u for sharing.
beautiful. thank you for sharing.
@Lisa Marie Rosati: Perfectly imperfect sounds wonderfully wonderful Lisa Marie! Although don’t even get me started on what more I COULD ask for LOL
@Penny Powell: Sounds like you have a gem there Penny to have listened 🙂
@Jenn: Thank you Jenn, I like how you said that ‘ the blessings of a love that’s real’.!..
@Kim Chi: I wrote my little poem almost as a way of speaking with my husband when he was sleeping and I was restless…so I wrote down my thoughts and feelings…to have inspired you and everyone else who has commented and wrote in is a gorgeous surprise…stay focused on the BIG LOVE within and all around you Kim Chi!
@Ayisha: Beautiful awareness Ayisha!
@Purneema: With pleasure, thank you for being here Puneema!
@adrienne: Thank you for commenting Adrienne!
Your honesty felt ELECTRIC to me, even shocking at a few parts, lol.. Seemed to come from a much deeper, and yes, more “real” place. I saw so much of myself and my own life in your words. Honestly, one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever heard.
Shakaya, your honesty felt ELECTRIC to me – even shocking at a few parts, lol.. Seemed to come from a deeper, and yes, more “real” place. I saw so much of myself and my own life in your words. Honestly, one of the most beautiful, juicey things I’ve ever read, thank you!